Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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