it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
