Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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