Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
