Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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