WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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