dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
