every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
