There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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