I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize