Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
