dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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