Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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