There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
