When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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