He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you will always have a special place in my vag
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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