I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
