well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
