Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
