but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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