party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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