Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
