so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
