what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
