Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
