Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
