he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize