It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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