i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The Olympian is in my bed
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
