im drinking this country out of the recession.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
