I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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