Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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