Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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