I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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