i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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