Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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