Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
