I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
