Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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