; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
