Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
