I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
