I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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