She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
