I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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