man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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