Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize