Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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