I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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