Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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