Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
