So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
