pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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