Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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