apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
