Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
