I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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