Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
