dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
