put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
