Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
