just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
