They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
