I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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