So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
