sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just had sex bonerless
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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