i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
