Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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