call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
