And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
