I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You left your phone here
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