I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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