You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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