i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
