He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
