Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
