I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
