Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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