I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
