then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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