Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
