They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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