how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
