Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
