theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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